I have been feeling relatively optimistic over the past week and I am soaking in it…basking in optimism’s glory. These feel good emotions stretch beyond skin deep and are renewing my spirit. God is going to show up in my story. FO SHO (As some crazy fun friends of mine would say.) I am confident that one day I will look back on this difficult season and thank Him for His grand plan. The outcome will exceed my prayers and dreams. It will be the perfect ending to this perplexing story. So often I want to believe these things, feel their undertones in my heart, but typically, they are beyond my reach no matter how much I try to convince myself of their validity. Do I feel confident that I am going to get pregnant soon? Absolutely not. This confidence is not about pregnancy or a lack there of, but of the HOPE that I have in His promises.
Psalm 34:7 “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Nonetheless, I know that there will be more bad days, more discouraging days…but today, I am thankful for where I am at. Right now. Focusing on the present….tomorrow or next week or next month will bring their own worries and I will face those when its time. Today…gratitude for a positive outlook.
I had my day 12 follicle scan this morning. 4 follicles…1 was hemorrhagic…so that leaves 3 eggs. YEAH! There were a lot more, but these 4 were > 1cm (1cm is the magic number, the desirable size). Good news.
I did my first trigger shot this evening. So far in my infertility journey I have been able to steer clear of the needles. Well, tonight that all changed. I got out my alcohol swabs…gave myself a good cleaning, took a few deep breaths and it was pinch and poke time. Pinch the fat, poke the needle. It really wasn’t that bad. Now…36 hours we wait, hopefully my body will do its thing. (They assure me it will. This drug is what I’m calling the OG – ovulation guarantee. I’ve gotta have some fun with this. Especially whilst in the mood.) Wednesday morning is GO time. IUI in the am. Reproductive Endocrinologist appointment in the pm. Will be a busy one.
Oh, and I almost forgot. There is one other great thing about trigger shots…no ovulation predictor tests! I am relishing in not having to remember to catch my urine first thing in the morning. It’s the small things in life, isn’t it?
So, for now…we cling to the good and hope for tomorrow.
Blessings to all.