Infertile Limbo

Lately, I have been avoiding blogging about my infertility journey.  It has been easier to write about other things…how I met my husband, God’s faithfulness in my life, etc.  Really, I don’t know what to say or even what I’m thinking.  I feel lost in a daze.  You see, we are once again in limbo land.  We are in the waiting zone.  We have been here for about 2 weeks, ever since our appointment with our reproductive endocrinologist.  Waiting for Andy’s sperm to regenerate.  Waiting the 65 day cycle it takes for this to occur.

As a result, we have decided to sit on the sidelines during my next 2 cycles.  Putting on hold my clomid, ultrasounds, ovidrel shots, and timed IUI.  I know this reality will be strange once it sets in.  We have been on a treatment course since last summer.  Undoubtedly, I will still check for ovulation and we will do what needs to be done to make things happen.  But overall, we are not counting on anything to transpire until we have some sperm that can actually PENETRATE the egg.  Ahh, the blessings of hypertension.  Thankfully, since Andy went off of his medication, his blood pressures have been stable.  Who knows, maybe he won’t need it at all in the future.

After these 2 months have passed, we will resume treatment.  Andy would love to give ourselves even more time, to see if things can now happen “naturally”.  I, on the other hand, am pushing to continue treatment.  I am not getting any younger and why not set ourselves up for success with timed IUIs and such, right?  We have already been through so much and by the time these 2 months pass it will have been a year and a half since we started TTC.  So that is our tentative plan.  2 months to regrow sperm and then jump back on the treatment train.

So for now, I fill my time with painting, planning, cooking.  And…for the first time in a year and a half…I am trying to get back into the gym a few times a week.  We’ll see if I can continue to make this happen.  But overall, it feels great.

Thanks for all your support and for reading my blog.  My grammar isn’t always the best, language arts was never my forte.  Happy Valentine’s Day!


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