Coping with Infertility

We’ve all been there.  You’re off work, you want to RUN out the door but your bladder beckons you.  It pleads with you to give it some attention before facing your unpredictable, bladder sometimes demanding commute.  You give in and of course, that is when you notice the spotting has started.  No newsflash need be made.  Period is imminent.

For the first time in over a year, I was prepared for this day.  My husband’s sperm is not working.  I knew my period was inevitable.   I was ready for the hemorrhage to begin from my body. Not really a hemorrhage, I guess, but for the shedding of that beautiful, life giving, nourishing blood.  It becomes quite personal when you go through infertility.  This should still be inside of me, giving life to a growing soul within my womb.

But no, not this month, probably not next month either.  Remember, we are on the slow bus.  The sidelines.  It is TIME out for us.  I quickly pushed the reality back into the far reaches of my mind.  Is that even possible?  Informed, prepared, expectant…but still it cuts deep.  Another month older, another month closer to my next birthday.  The thirties just seem to be flying by and I am just getting into them.  Advanced maternal age isn’t far off.

I made myself a margarita and aimlessly read blogs while my husband readied a homemade pizza.  It wasn’t long before I was buzzing.  Being that I never really drink anymore, it only took half for me to feel sluggish. I decided half was plenty and made my way to our shower, my legs heavy beneath me like dead weights walking up the stairs to our bedroom.

Showers are my go to coping strategy these days.  I guess they have been since grad school. I love to sit in the shower and let the hot water just flow over me.  Yes, I could sit in a bath, but there is just something about the shower.  Something about the steam, something about the steady streams of water pouring over my eyes, shoulders, and knees.  It’s soothing.  It’s when I do some of my best thinking, best praying, and best just being.  I LOVE IT.  Tonight, I began to wonder how others cope.  What do you do to get through?  What are your simple pleasures that help you along the rough and wounding roads of infertility?

I felt a lot better after showering.  I am now ready to sink into my most wondrous bed.  Goodnight, blessings, and thanks for reading.

11 thoughts on “Coping with Infertility

  1. I LOVE showers too and am usually in there way too long! The only remedy to that has been that our new water heater isn’t as good so when the hot water is about out, I am too. I’m like you with the drinking….it doesn’t happen often, so when I do drink, one glass of wine is usually sufficient. One thing I found that I love is getting in the shower with a buzz. The water just feels even better. Obviously doing this too drunk could be dangerous because you’re more likely to slip and fall, but I like it with a little buzz! OK I probably sound like a weirdo now…ha ha! Not every shower I take is like this…I promise!
    I also love naps. If I’m in a sour mood, whether I’m tired or not, I always feel renewed after a good nap. Hope this month is your month!

    • Kelly! You speak my language. I LOVE naps! I often wonder what I will do when I finally am blessed with kids. I feel so utterly spoiled sometimes. Long showers, naps whenever I want while at home. What ever will we do? : ) A little buzz is definitely nice in the shower. I totally get it. You are NOT a weirdo! HUGS and more HUGS to you!

  2. This happened to me yesterday as well. I was on my way to my first micro test and I stopped by the restroom. I had been dreading this test for days and I just did not need to know that I am not pregnant at that moment.
    I’m sorry!

  3. Your posts read like poetry!
    To cope with everything, I used to sleep a lot but I’m finding that too much sleep does me in physically and emotionally. I’m trying to be more “hands-on” these days–working on crafts, painting, and learning crocheting. It helps!

    • You are too kind! Most of the time I feel like my posts are just a jumbled mess of random thoughts and poor grammar. Thank you so much for reading it and commenting! Means so much. How’s your crocheting going? I can only make hats…my scarves are pretty awful! Such a fun thing though and I find it pretty consuming once I get into it. What other types of crafts do you enjoy?

      • I am a beginner crocheter and am learning the basic stitches but would love to make a scarf. The other thing I like to do is recycle books. I take old books and turn them into things like photo books and scrapbooks. The idea is to use things you have around the house that just sit in drawers and stuff like buttons, fabric scraps, old keys, and other things. Lots of fun!

  4. Baths, showers and naps are ace but sometimes there’s nothing that heals more than a mope round TKMaxx. I love rummaging for a bargain and that thrill when I find a gorgeous new pair of shoes for a smidgen of their original price. It’s like my safe place 🙂

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