Somehow despite the groaning protests my body huffed at me as I contemplated rising early to head the gym, I was able to stifle these strong desires to stay in bed and I over came. Another small victory for team “best” for me. You see, there are two teams. The “lazy, indulgence” team and the “best” for me team. They wage war for my physical well-being constantly. *smile* Today the BEST team won and it was off to the gym by 7a.
Now, I sit at our kitchen counter, strength renewed – a whole day ahead of me and a world full of possibilities. The sunlight streams in upon me and I am just overall feeling thankful. My heart is full.
Next to that, I have a little bit of Red Velvet Cake leftover from an evening with friends. Homemade and absolutely delicious. I’m actually calling it pink velvet cake as it is more fitting. The recipe called for 3 Tablespoons of red food coloring. I just couldn’t bring myself to put so much “carcinogen” (as my friend put it last night) into such a divine and delectable cake.
But even deeper than those things that find themselves on my kitchen counters is the words of encouragement I received from a dear friend late last night in an email:
So here is a beautiful quote for you (from a book called “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp, which I highly recommend): “I shake my head at the blinding wonder of it: Trust is the bridge from yesterday to tomorrow, built with planks of thanks. Remembering frames up gratitude. Gratitude lays out the planks of trust. I can walk the planks — from known to unknown — and know: He holds.” Thinking of where He has brought us both, from singleness, loneliness, infertility … He can be trusted. Praying!
Do I not have one of the most dear friends? She too has walked the road of infertility. She too has waited, has longed for the joy of children. She was blessed with twins just over a year ago after doing IVF and having had a trying and difficult pregnancy. Now she speaks life, love and peace into my own infertile pilgrimage. I am grateful for her.
I am blessed too by books so perfectly written with words that capture the essence of living and simple gratitude. Blessed to be reminded that remembering can be soul renewing. Today, I remember. I remember where I have been. The broken roads I have walked down, the unsettling journeys I have completed. Will He, my God, forsake me now? Of course not. I trust. I wait. I hope. The desires of my heart will be fulfilled, beyond what I can now ask for or imagine. He will lead me into my tomorrows and there I will find more of Him. Will my life ever be perfect? Of course not. Will I ever have his perfect peace and most complete of joys? Probably not while walking this earth. But one thing is sure, He is with me and will work ALL things together for GOOD in MY life.
For now, I am grateful. For now, I trust. Today, I remember.