The tides are turning.
After a rough morning, I was thankfully able to meet my sweet and most wonderful hubby for a little Starbucks over his lunch. What a breath of fresh air. It was EXACTLY what we both needed. I feel so much better.
We hashed out our plan. We really don’t think we can make it through another month of trying…through another IUI (Our original plan was to do one more IUI). It is too hard. The pain is crushing and my whole body just aches. I can’t ride through any more of these ups and downs. How long can our spirits hold out? How will we rise above this? How will we hope? How will we believe? We are ready to proceed to the next step. 20 failed cycles (well, almost). I can’t keep doing this. 20 times I have hoped, 20 times I have died. The suffering is unbearable. The grief squeezing the life out of me.
This month, we will wholeheartedly pursue IVF. Of course, it will come with its own ups and downs, but at least we will be moving forward.
Waiting. CD1 has yet to show itself, though it’s arrival is imminent as the spotting has started. The majority of the grief already washed over us on Friday. Today we just feel numb. We know what we need to do now. We know where we are headed. I am so thankful we had Friday’s conversation before CD1. I can’t imagine weighing through the emotions AND trying to figure out our next move.
CD1 is here. First thing this AM I called and made my appointment for my CD 3 ultrasound and blood draws. I also made an appointment for our trial embryo transfer and doppler U/S to assess uterine blood flow next Monday. The phone call was not without tears as the schedule juggling begins. I hate it. But it’s the way it goes. I know it will all be worth it in the end.
IVF. HERE. WE. COME.
We should know our tentative timeline on Wednesday. Looking forward to seeing it all in front of me.
Thanks for reading. Thank you so much for your support and walking through this journey with me. I am happy to have a new direction. With it there is new hope, new worries too, but I just have to keep offering those up.