so little control…waiting for retrieval

So little control.  So much faith.  I will not give up hope that this IVF cycle will be a success.

In my CoNTroL:

  • Taking the right medications at the right time
  • What I eat
  • Getting to my appointments

OUT of my CoNTroL:

  • How many follicles grow (today there were 24, an ever changing number)
  • How many eggs I produce
  • How many mature eggs there will be
  • How many will fertilize
  • How many will grow for 5 days
  • If there will be any left to transfer
  • If there will be any to freeze
  • If the transferred embryos will implant
  • If an embryo will be carried to term

So much is out of my hands.  No amount of stress, worry, or determination will change ANY of these factors.  I have never felt more out of control.  This journey is not a product of my own preparation or study or pursuit or persistence like so many other things in the past.  I have never had to depend more on my Maker, to trust more entirely in His plan for my life.  I can’t do anything but my own small part.  The rest is up to Him.  Though this is my body, it’s ultimately putty in the hands of my GREAT GOD…who is moving and willfully knitting together my life, my story, and the journey through which He will use me.  I remain grateful that I don’t have to muster up another ounce of strength to make my way through it…for He is my HOPE and my STRENGTH.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

I LOVE my story, I would not trade it for any others.  Though it has been full of hurt and heartache these have been but moments in a far greater current of love, adventure, and blessing.

Thank you.  I wait on you, Jesus.

3 thoughts on “so little control…waiting for retrieval

  1. praying for you here 🙂 what a beautiful post and healthy perspective. I love what you said about loving your story. truly I don’t know many people who are able/willing to say that-how fortunate/strong you are 🙂

    myjourneythruinfertility (I changed my username and blog address in case you want to follow along)

    • Oh, you are too sweet! Thank you for your prayers and for your encouragement. It means so much to me! More than I could every put into words! I am looking forward to following your new blog!!!

  2. Wow, 24 follicles!! That is fantastic! I hope they keep growing strong! It’s sooo difficult to have so many unknowns and not have control. I admire your attitude and faith! I’ll be praying for you. It sounds like you’re doing wonderfully though!

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