A deluge of grief.

It started out as a rather regular Saturday morning.  Our friend was over and we were enjoying a nice chat. Midway through the morning, she received a phone call that her dear friend’s baby had died earlier that day. 

The world came crashing down in that moment and a wave of emotions engulfed each of us.  My husband and I have been praying for this sweet girl since she was in her momma’s belly.  She was born with a congenital heart defect and though she has been thriving since her surgery shortly after her birth, a common cold caught earlier this week was more then her heart could bear. 

The tears have flowed steadily for me throughout the day.  My heart just breaks for this family, for this baby girl, who to me, had an uncanny resemblance to our own daughter.  I am struggling with how unfair life seems in this moment.  I am struggling with how God could take such a beautiful little girl so soon.  I am struggling with how her parents must have felt leaving the hospital without their little baby.  I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to have left their daughter in that room, in that unit, in that hospital…and drive away.  (I am sorry for how depressing this post is…but I just have to get all these emotions and thoughts out.)  I can’t imagine going to bed without my sweet girl next to me.  Days that have been filled with appointments and constant special heart care amidst the everyday life with a new born, what now to fill your days with. Having struggled with infertility, I have dealt with a great deal of grief in my own life.  Of course, there is no comparison with losing a child, but each month I felt like my heart died a small death with the passing of yet another month, another opportunity.  As a new mother,  I can only imagine how that grief would be absolutely overwhelming after the immense bonding and attachment that happens in these early months. 

There are no words.  No words of comfort I can offer.  Instead, all I can do is look heavenward and do my best to trust Jesus.  To trust that his ways are not our own.  To remember just how precious the time was that she was here on earth.  To believe in His sovereignty and to remember that she is in a better place, free from pain and suffering.  In this lifetime, I will never understand the tragedies and sorrows that we each must endure, but someday they will all be redeemed by the mighty hand of our Savior.  To Him be the glory.  Lord, please bring your peace to this family.  Surround them with your comfort and your care.  Give them your hope and help them to not lose heart.  She will never be forgotten.  All I can do is pray and hold my own precious gift close.  How blessed I am to have one of my own. 

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