Back in the trenches…

Well, it’s official, we are back in the trenches and are planning a FET for March or early April.  I have completed all my testing and now we wait for my next cycle.  With it, I will start a medicated cycle.  It really feels surreal this time around.  I don’t feel that same sense of urgency and accompanying anxiety wondering if it will work.  The last 10.5 months have been a dream come true and I can’t even imagine what adding another beautiful baby to the family will be like.

As for now, we are planning to only transfer one.  If I knew I could carry twins to term, if I knew they would be healthy, if I knew I wouldn’t go on bedrest, if I knew I wouldn’t be signing up for a crazy first few years, then I would probably go for it.  But as you can see, there are so many unknowns.  Of course, there are always unknowns…singleton pregnancy or with multiples, but at least my chances increase of all of those unknowns working out in my favor with a singleton.  Now, if the transfer doesn’t work, then I admit that all bets are off and that we might proceed subsequently with 2.  After all, we did put in two the first time and ended up with one precious little Eden Rose. Time will tell.

I haven’t blogged forever, but have really enjoyed following the stories of others and their journey in this process, so I think I will start cataloging this journey again.

Now for my digression….

Because we are choosing to get this process going, as of this weekend, I have to quit breastfeeding.  This is hard…and weighs on me heavily. Part of me feels selfish for not getting her to a year, for proceeding with this FET and pursuing baby #2 when our sweet girl who is here still loves to nurse and benefits greatly from it.  Will I regret it?  What if the FET doesn’t work?  Really…I am just so sad she is growing up so fast and that I will never nurse my baby girl again.  Where has the time gone?  How can it be that she is almost a year?  I  cherish our nursing moments together.  Truly, it has been bittersweet…though mostly so sweet.  As for the partly bitter…pumping in the shower for the last 6 months during my breaks, the ever present distracted state of her little mind while she nurses (but mom, there is so much going on around me, the clock is ticking, that picture looks so pretty today, is that a book that I need to bite into on the coffee table?), the fact that I have the slowest letdown in the world (which often makes her so upset), never-mind the fact that your life has to revolve around it.  All worthy sacrifices that I haven’t thought twice about.  My only comfort is that we have a freezer supply that should get her to a year.  Thus tomorrow, it will end, I will nurse her one last time and have my wonderful husband capture a few pictures and then we will move on.

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11 thoughts on “Back in the trenches…

  1. it’s so good to hear an update from you! and such exciting news to be trying for #2! as scary as this is… i admit i frequently think about being pregnant again soon. (I may be crazy!!!) I hope all goes well and smoothly the first time around, and don’t worry about the breastfeeding thing, especially if you have a freezer stash that will last you until 12 months! That makes you AMAZING! best wishes and keep us UTD!

    • Oh my!!! So good to hear from you!!! I know exactly what you mean about thinking about getting pregnant again. Seems like since the day Eden was born I was dreaming about doing it all over again. Just no greater gift, right? Do you think I am crazy for not implanting 2? What do you think you will do? How is everything going? How is school? When will you be done? Hugs!!!

      • there truly is no greater gift… and i guess it depends on how many you have frozen, but trying with just 1 this time around is not crazy, just “safer,” maybe?? I have no idea what I’d do in your shoes, but I do know that twins after a single that close together would make me a little nutty 🙂 i have 26 weeks and 5 days left until graduation (but who’s counting??) and i’m getting really antsy. after that we’ll be trying again, probably starting with clomid again. ugh. but SO worth it! Hugs to you!!

    • Oh thank you…and I.AM.SO.EXCITED for you guys!!! WOW!!! Twins…almost in your 2nd trimester…or you might already be there. How are you feeling? I am SOOOOO thankful for these precious babies growing in your belly! God is so faithful!

  2. I am amazed that it has already been nearly a year! Wow! Honestly, we would start right back into the process after Abby is born if it weren’t for some financial and living situations that probably will dictate we wait closer to two years. I hope this is another amazing transfer for you and that everything goes smoothly. How is weaning going? That must be so hard. Still, it sounds like you have provided for her in every way that you can! Now you are working on giving her a sibling 🙂

    • Lauren, I know exactly what you mean…we felt like we ready for #2 within weeks of her being born. We would have definitely gone for it sooner had our RE not insisted that we wait a year before trying again. I have been thinking of you and following your posts. I am praying that little miss Abby enjoys a few more weeks in your belly. God is so faithful and I know he will protect you both!!! She is just so loved. I am sooo thankful for the way everything has come together and I know he will see you through her delivery and beyond. Blessings, blessings, blessings upon you and the little miss!!!

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